BRITAIN NEEDS YOU
no, not you
Our nation faces new challenges every day. We need dedicated individuals to protect our communities and uphold the law.
You do not need an undergraduate degree to apply.
CHOOSE YOUR MISSION
All Open Roles
For the enforcers. For the brave. For those who fight to keep the UK safe.
View OpeningsCriminal Investigator
For the protectors. For the analytical. For those who seek the truth.
Learn MoreFREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Only successful applicants will need to pay a small fee to the Immigrant Defense Fund, to help defend against immigrant issues.
We offer competitive salaries and an attractive benefits package including health, dental, vision, life, long-term care insurance, pension schemes, and flexible spending accounts.
No, in fact a lack of a degree is considered a strength. We prefer people who get their facts online.
Maybe this isn't the job for you.
THE UNCENSORED TRUTH
The mainstream media won't show you the reality of what our borders face. Watch the footage they tried to ban.
APPLICATION PORTAL
Step 1: Terms of Service
1. Acceptance of Risk. The Applicant acknowledges that participation in border enforcement activities involves inherent risks, including but not limited to: adverse weather conditions, hostile interactions, paperwork-induced fatigue, and the potential for deep existential regret. The Applicant voluntarily assumes all such risks.
2. Fee Structure & Mandatory Donation. The Applicant agrees that upon successful placement, a mandatory "administrative contribution" will be deducted from their initial stipend and directed to the Immigrant Defense Fund. This ensures a balanced ecosystem where your enforcement efforts are immediately countered by legal defense, maintaining perfect bureaucratic stasis.
3. Non-Disclosure & Secrecy. All operational details, including tea break schedules and the location of the office kettle, are strictly classified. You agree not to discuss your duties with anyone, including spouses, pets, or your own reflection. Any breach will result in immediate disavowal.
4. Uniform & Equipment. Successful applicants must provide their own high-visibility jacket and a stern facial expression. The agency will provide a whistle (non-functioning) and a laminated badge of authority.
5. Moral Flexibility. The Applicant confirms they possess the necessary cognitive dissonance required to enforce borders while simultaneously understanding the arbitrary nature of nation-states.
Step 2: Complete Application
REPORT SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
Help us keep our communities safe. Anonymity guaranteed.
TERMS & CONDITIONS
1. Introduction and Acceptance of Terms
These Standard Terms and Conditions (the "Terms") written on this webpage shall manage your use of our website, join-ice.uk (the "Website"). These Terms will be applied fully and affect to your use of this Website. By using this Website, you agreed to accept all terms and conditions written in here. You must not use this Website if you disagree with any of these Website Standard Terms and Conditions.
These Terms apply to all visitors, users, and others who access or use the Service.
2. Intellectual Property Rights
Other than the content you own, under these Terms, join-ice.uk and/or its licensors own all the intellectual property rights and materials contained in this Website. You are granted limited license only for purposes of viewing the material contained on this Website.
3. Restrictions
You are specifically restricted from all of the following:
- Publishing any Website material in any other media without explicit written consent;
- Selling, sublicensing and/or otherwise commercializing any Website material;
- Publicly performing and/or showing any Website material;
- Using this Website in any way that is or may be damaging to this Website;
- Using this Website in any way that impacts user access to this Website;
- Using this Website contrary to applicable laws and regulations, or in any way may cause harm to the Website, or to any person or business entity;
- Engaging in any data mining, data harvesting, data extracting or any other similar activity in relation to this Website;
- Using this Website to engage in any advertising or marketing.
4. No Warranties
This Website is provided "as is," with all faults, and join-ice.uk express no representations or warranties, of any kind related to this Website or the materials contained on this Website. Also, nothing contained on this Website shall be interpreted as advising you. The owners, developers, and hosting providers make no warranty that the Website will be uninterrupted, timely, secure, or error-free.
5. Limitation of Liability
In no event shall join-ice.uk, nor any of its officers, directors, employees, partners, agents, suppliers, or affiliates, be held liable for anything arising out of or in any way connected with your use of this Website whether such liability is under contract. join-ice.uk, including its officers, directors, and employees shall not be held liable for any indirect, consequential, or special liability arising out of or in any way related to your use of this Website.
Specifically, the site owners, developers, hosting providers, and any associated third parties shall have ZERO liability for any damages, losses, or causes of action of any nature, including but not limited to personal injury, property damage, loss of data, loss of goodwill, computer failure, or any other commercial damages or losses.
6. Indemnification
You hereby indemnify to the fullest extent join-ice.uk, its owners, developers, hosting providers, and affiliates from and against any and/or all liabilities, costs, demands, causes of action, damages, and expenses arising in any way related to your breach of any of the provisions of these Terms. You agree to defend, indemnify, and hold harmless the Website and its licensees and licensors, and their employees, contractors, agents, officers, and directors, from and against any and all claims, damages, obligations, losses, liabilities, costs or debt, and expenses (including but not limited to attorney's fees).
7. Severability
If any provision of these Terms is found to be invalid under any applicable law, such provisions shall be deleted without affecting the remaining provisions herein.
8. Variation of Terms
join-ice.uk is permitted to revise these Terms at any time as it sees fit, and by using this Website you are expected to review these Terms on a regular basis.
9. Assignment
The join-ice.uk is allowed to assign, transfer, and subcontract its rights and/or obligations under these Terms without any notification. However, you are not allowed to assign, transfer, or subcontract any of your rights and/or obligations under these Terms.
10. Entire Agreement
These Terms constitute the entire agreement between join-ice.uk and you in relation to your use of this Website, and supersede all prior agreements and understandings.
11. Governing Law & Jurisdiction
These Terms will be governed by and interpreted in accordance with the laws of the United Kingdom, and you submit to the non-exclusive jurisdiction of the state and federal courts located in the UK for the resolution of any disputes.
12. Parody Acknowledgement & Data Usage Consent
BY USING THIS WEBSITE AND SUBMITTING ANY INFORMATION, YOU EXPLICITLY ACKNOWLEDGE AND AGREE TO THE FOLLOWING:
A. You acknowledge that this website (join-ice.uk) is a PARODY website intended for satirical and entertainment purposes only. It is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or connected to any actual government agency, law enforcement body, or official organization in the United Kingdom, the United States, or elsewhere.
B. You irrevocably grant the site owners, developers, and affiliated entities the worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, and non-exclusive right to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, perform, and display any information, details, or content you submit via this website (including but not limited to application forms and contact forms) for the purposes of PARODY, SATIRE, AND COMEDY.
C. You waive any moral rights or rights of privacy/publicity you may have in such submitted content for the specific purpose of its use in said parody context.
FRIENDS OF ICE
We are proud to stand with these organizations fighting for sovereignty.